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A brief history of Freds

A brief history of Freds

Frederick J Boon, who was to become the founder of the great Fred movement, was born on Wednesday, October the 6th, 1745 in the town of Stoke. He was a man remarkable for his tall stature - he stood at 7'3" in his bare feet, and when he stood on a chair, he was even taller. He founded the Freds to promote the idea of charity amongst the aristocracy, which given that they were a bunch of selfish cunts was one hell of an undertaking. This noble aim gave rise to the nickname - The Gentle Freds - by which the movement was known throughout the land.

However after over one hundred years of good work, the Fred's respected and noble name was sullied by the advent of a new organisation, the dastardly Hermans. Taking their name from their founder, Professor Heimlich Von Wankel Herman, this band of ne'er-do-wells saw fit to ruin the Gentle Fred's wholesome charity work by killing off the poor who benefitted from their good deeds. After many years of having their good name dragged through the mud, the Gentle Freds took a stand; all-out war was declared between the two gangs at 11am on the 11th of November 1918. The Freds and the Hermans have been in a state of perpetual combat ever since that historic date, with the Fred's losing the nickname of the Gentle Freds and gaining the nickname of the Utter Hard Bastard Don't Mess Freds.

Since then the Freds have developed into a huge and respected international organisation. They have offices in the UK, USA, Korea, Japan, Switzerland, Australia and Mars. They continue the fight against the filthy Hermans, who these days are a small group of rogues operating from a dirty pigsty in deepest rural Gloucestershire.

The Freds are today worth a cool £15 trillion and their headquarters 'Cuntal Towers' in the heart of the city of London draws thousands of tourists to gaze upon upon its phallic beauty. The current head of the Freds is a man known only as Ponky. He commands international respect, and has just returned from a full state visit to Canada, where he opened a multi million dollar development to he the poor street children of that country, known as the Glanville Street Urchans. While he was there, he also fucked the girlfriend of the Canadian branch of Hermans.

Another executive on the rise is the head of feminology, Miss Abigail Baggywhale. As wise as she is beautiful, she recently came first in a poll of the top 100 female executives with delightful chebs that Britain's key 18 - 35 demographic would love to shag.

At the time of writing the Freds have recently announced the almost total extinction of the Hermans, believed to be down to their last 16 members, led by their rag-tag Gypsy king, Andy Mansh. Bless.